Fish or cut bait.

After reading about the response of christian fundamentalists (and others) to the fact that Obama did not make mention of God in his Thanksgiving speech it makes me realize something fundamental about myself that has been a long time in coming. I am an atheist.

I was raised in the Roman Catholic faith, and I fully took part in it all. I was an altar boy, took CCD classes, was a member of the CYO, a member of my parish’s Parish Council, a member of my college retreat team, and even toyed with the idea of becoming a priest. The point is I was not an “Easter/Christmas” catholic. I was in it full speed ahead. I even went to an all boys Catholic high school and a Catholic run university.

I had the usual confusion during high school, but I convinced myself to hang on, but after several things occurred over the course of high school and college, I started to drift from the faith by the time I graduated from college. I sporadically attended church for several years after leaving college, but I had definitely turned into the Easter/Christmas catholic. But there were so many questions that I could never get satisfactory answers about from anyone in the church that I eventually drifted away, disappointed that so often the answer was, “you have to take it on faith.” I am rationalist at my core. This never sat well with me.

Yet I still felt like there was more to life than what I saw around me. I began reading and soul-searching until I found Buddhism. The non-evangelical bent and emphasis on no deity rung true to me. The idea that what I had could be found right in front of me, and the entire notion of mindfulness really clicked with the ideas I had in my mind. Yes, there are spiritual aspects to Buddhism, and yet it was the connection with the world that my teacher taught that made the most sense to me.

While my ex-wife was initially interested in Buddhism as well, she eventually drifted away from it and into magic – as in witchcraft. In the beginning she told me that her beliefs were similar to Buddhism, but the truth is they quickly moved away from that. Mind-reading, spirit entities, and not just one God, but many gods and deities became the norm. She said she liked the more active aspects of magic. In the end, I think it was her way of trying to take control of her life in a way she did not feel she had. Although I went along with her beliefs while we were married, they made me uncomfortable, particularly for our children. But, in truth, it is water under the bridge. She is now married to someone who buys into that. I didn’t. And, I suppose it was living with her that eventually pushed my own thinking to where it is now.

When my divorce happened, it wasn’t Jesus, Buddha, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster that got me through it. It was my own belief in myself and my willingness to not only take a long hard look at who I had allowed myself to become in my marriage, but to take responsibility for my own actions and realize that it would be by my own actions that I could make changes. I realized that I could use the teachings I had learned being a Buddhist, about being aware of the world around me, about karma – the law of cause and effect, and mindfulness, to find myself again. Find the person I had been on a path to become.

More recently I read a book called A Guide to the Good Life, by William B. Irvine. It talked about the philosophy of Stoicism as it was likely practiced by ancient stoics, and more importantly, how it could be used now. It has many similarities to Buddhism, but is truly more of a philosophy than Buddhism is in that there is no spiritual component necessary. I continue to think about how to apply these things to my life.

So I think it is finally time that I acknowledge that I believe in no God, god, or deity of any type. I believe in living a good life because it is the right thing to do, not because of some afterlife punishment. I do not need to do things in this life because I am worried about will happen in the next life. I will, instead, appreciate my loved ones and my life for what it is right now. My goal is that I can impart this to my children, although I do believe that ultimately they will choose their own paths – and with their mother’s beliefs I know that they will have different messages to sift through. But I will strive to show them that this life can be lived and accepted on its own merits and does not need the embellishments that religions place on the world.

And that is why I am an atheist.

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